Thursday, July 2, 2009

Just a Thought...

Lately, my step-kids' bio-mom (the BM) has been stressing the importance of "what the children want", claiming that doing what the children want and what's in their best interest is the key to being a good parent.  On some level, I agree with this.  If the child is able to make good, sound decisions and his/her decisions don't negatively impact others, then by all means they should be allowed to make choices.  After all, being a mother sometimes involves giving up what you want in favor of what's best for your children, right? At least that's how I view it.

What's confusing to me is how this woman, who now claims she only wants what's best for her children (while insinuating my husband and I have a different agenda), at one point decided it was a good idea to leave her husband because she found someone she liked more.  She did so with little or no regard for her children and how a divorce would impact them for the rest of their lives.  As I age, I'm seeing more and more women  - some friends, some acquaintances and some strangers - make choices that can only be described as purely selfish.

It's astonishing how many women tire of their marriages and decide to "try something new", without a second thought as to how their choices/actions/decisions will affect their children. How can a mother decide her need for change is more important than her child(ren)'s need for family and stability?

It seems some moms just don't get it.  When you make a choice to tear your family apart (outside of an abusive situation), you can no longer claim that all you want is what's best for your children.  If that were true, you certainly would not be putting your children through a divorce and the nasty situations that ensue.

What makes the least amount of sense in all this is how a mom can then turn around and say she wants custody of the children because she is capable of making decisions in their best interest.  Obviously, if she were capable of such actions, she certainly would not have put her children in a messed up situation.

Again, I understand that in some situations - such as abuse - a divorce is truly in the best interest of the children, and the mom has every right to fight for custody in these cases. However, a majority of divorces I've witnessed involve pure selfishness.

Anyway, I just wanted to write what's been on my mind lately.  It's incredibly frustrating to be accused of not caring about what my step-kids want and what's in their best interest, especially when the finger-pointing is coming from their BM - someone who has truly made bad decisions for her children.  Somehow, I suspect that greed and child-support play into this whole mess.  It seems to me that a woman who is capable of making a purely selfish decision regarding her children's emotional stability is also a woman who might consider the financial benefits that child support would bring to her.

New handbag, anyone? ... Anyone?