Monday, May 24, 2010

Monday Madness

My 11-year-old step-son is scheduled to start his summer soccer program tomorrow. This program has been his one and only activity for the past four years, and he is incredibly excited for this season. He spent last week in the yard doing drills and practicing ball handling and kicking goals. The kid loves soccer.

For the past three seasons, my step-kids biological mom (a.k.a "the momster") has refused to provide transportation to/from practices and games during her custodial weeks, saying her medical condition prevents her from driving, going outdoors, and committing to any sort of transportation for her children. She has M.S., and I know it can worsen or flare up if she's exposed to heat/humidity for extended periods of time.

However, for the past two years, the momster has been driving her two little kids from her current marriage (ages 5 and 3) to/from preschool three days a week and to/from swimming lessons three days a week, with no health issues arising from her duties.

For the past three seasons, my husband and I have spent two nights a week - both during our custody weeks and her custody weeks - at the soccer fields. Last summer got to be a bit much, as we had a lot of activities ourselves during our "non-kid" weeks.

This year, as we signed him up for soccer, an email was sent to the momster, letting her know we would not be to providing transportation during her custody weeks. I figured this was perfectly acceptable. My husband and I have gone above and beyond to make sure my step-son had rides to every soccer event for the past four years. Since she is obviously capable of driving her youngest children to/from activities, she can certainly do so for the children she and my husband have in common.


Dead wrong.

This morning (the day before my step-son's soccer season starts), she notified my husband via email that she has no ability to provide transportation for this year's soccer activities. She stated that we've done all the transportation for the previous years and it needs to remain that way if my step-son hopes to participate this year.

My husband emailed her back, and suggested she bring her son to soccer tonight and try to find a parent there who would be willing to provide transportation to subsequent soccer practices and games during the momster's custody weeks.

Her reply was that she was not about to go there tonight and beg a ride off some parent who she doesn't even know. She also stated that she doesn't know the layout of the soccer fields and hasn't had the luxury of learning how it all works over the past four years, so she will not be putting herself in this awkward position.

Um, EXCUSE ME!?!?! How could a parent be so obviously pathetic and selfish... in writing, nonetheless??

There are so many instances where her two youngest children (from her current marriage) receive special treatment, whereas my step-kids (the kids she and my husband have in common) are left to fend for themselves. She refuses to provide transportation for my three step-kids to any activities, and tells them their dad and I can pick them up if they want to go somewhere. Yet, she repeatedly tells my step-kids that husband and I are horrible people who make horrible parenting decisions. It just doesn't make sense to me.

Has anyone else encountered this type of situation with a biological mom who has children from a new relationship? It angers me that the momster is willing to make such distinction between the two "sets" of kids in her home. She's even gone so far as buying twice as many presents for her younger kids for birthdays and holidays, claiming that since they live with her full-time, they deserve more from her. The most messed-up part of it all is that my step-kids (ages 16, 13 and 11) accept it for what it is. They see nothing wrong with her reasoning and look to their dad and me to provide all the things she's unwilling to give them.

I just don't get it.


  1. Hey, just checking in to see if things are getting any better for you?? I'm still out here going through the same crap you are!! Thinking of you and your family, ~ Kenz

  2. Hi Kenz -

    It was somewhat of a battle, but in order for my step-son to participate in soccer, his mom told him he would have to ride his bike to/from practices and games (6 miles each way) during her custody weeks. While I'm not against this, it would've been nice for her to figure all this out before the season started.

    We received an odd email from after the first week of practices were finished, telling my husband what their arrangement was, and stating how much my step-son loved biking and how thrilled he was to be able to bike to/from practices. She went on and on (and on, and on...) about the marvels of his newfound biking freedom and how truly excited he was to be able to bike to/from the soccer fields.

    It was a sleazy used-car pitch at best. My husband and I have no issues with him biking 6 miles; we've let him do so for the past couple years without concern. The way she tried to convince us it was the best idea ever was pretty hilarious, though.

    Thanks for checking in!