Wednesday, April 24, 2013

I realize it's been a while (read: a couple YEARS) since I last posted an update on the goings-on of my (step) family.  What a ride it's been!  There've been a lifetime of joys, sorrows, laughs, and craziness packed into that time - all of which I'll hopefully have the time to cover at some point.

Lately, my husband's and my time has been consumed with the little things: our jobs, school activities, sports, Prom, and our own social activities.  Spring seems to always present a chaotic schedule and this year is no exception.

Over the past two years, my oldest step-son (now 19) moved out of our house and into the BioMom's home full-time.  My step-daughter (16) went through the typical teen-girl-goes-crazy-possibly-taken-over-by-aliens phase, and we've since recovered (most of) her normal personality.  My youngest step-son (14) has shown us glimpses of teen angst, but is mostly still consumed with his friends, video games, and competitive swimming; not necessarily in that order.

And, although I'd like to say we have "seen it all" from the BioMom and Step-dad, I fear we have not.  There have been moments of calm, interspersed with moments of certain insanity, but mostly the same craziness we've experienced for years.  The only thing we can count on is that we can't count on them to be anything but unaccountable (said laughingly many times over the years, as a way to remind ourselves that we need to roll with it).

BioMom prefers not to communicate directly to my husband, and instead she sends messages via the children.  Hel-lo - ever read a parenting book at all?  Even the back cover?!  Pretty sure that's co-parenting faux pas #1 - don't have the kids be the messenger between parents.  Anyway... that's her preference, and therefore it's how she operates.

While it's nice to not hear from her, we can't really pretend she doesn't exist.  That would mean a significant portion of our household income would be sent... nowhere... and the kids' emotional problems would stem from... nothing... and we would be left scratching our heads most of the time.  Instead, we continue to live by the same morals and values we are attempting to teach the kids, and the rest is just the rest.

There are hundreds of stories I could (and probably will) share, as a means of venting and gaining insight from others.  I could share about the summer where my step-daughter was treated like an unwanted houseguest at the BioMom's house, or how the BioMom once again had the children stain an outdoor wooden playset using chemicals that had previously caused a systemic rash/outbreak of hives, or how the BioMom is a bit weird with the kids' friends (texting them, calling them, inviting them over to hang out with her), or how BioMom and Step-dad purchased a second home more than a thousand miles from here, but mentioned nothing about it to my step-kids or my husband, and are basically pretending it didn't happen... the list goes on and on... But those stories can wait for another time.

For now, I'll just say that I'm almost nine years into this craziness, and although there have been ups and downs, I'm blessed with a wonderful marriage and an amazing "bonus family".  It may not be a perfect life, but perfect is boring... right?

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